Friendgirl

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002508.cfm

I understand better now,
and am reminded of the difficult choice I made
and God's will in my life.

We weren't going anywhere.

I could scribble all kinds of poetry
about how much I loved you so much
and am willing to betray who I am
if only I could have you.

But what I failed to realize is the negligence on your part.
When our guards were down,
you lured me into a sweet-smelling trap.

Your plot to draw me in so closely
yet so distantly.

I had to finally acknowledge that I was in pain before I knew it.

In pain of having to be standing at your door,
peeking from the outside
but never quite actually let inside
Only to see you in bed with other men
or replacing me with other women
while I stay there silently...

Know that walking out of your life is one of the most difficult choices I had to make
To lose my best friend, whom I have shared more things to than anyone else
To actually give up when it was against every ounce of my will to let you go
To want you to actually decide for yourself what this "friendship" really means to you
When it meant all the world to me.

Perhaps more than the pain of what I feel losing you
would be the pain that would stay if I let it continue.
I can't tell which one hurts the more
but I had to make the better choice after all this time