It started the moment
I got the view of what's behind the curtain
and despite all the love and respect I had for you,
I never liked nor forgotten what I saw
Many years ago, I had an inkling of your pretension
that perhaps your words aren't what they seem
that you say words that go against your actions
But all of these are invisible and done behind my back
I suspected it when you never told me her name,
when you met and returned intimate items,
when you thought to announce a goodbye when you left,
when in having me, you seemed to look for something else
I had all these nagging feelings, yet never heard a confession
In many ways, I had to find things out for myself.
Until the day came that I did find out
A day came when I caught you
It would have been a vulnerable thing,
to catch you being honest with another
Perhaps due to my flaws you felt you can't be truthful to me
I'd have found that I'm also at fault and try to reconcile and heal
But what I found out was you not with honesty, but pretension
I caught you saying words that you never truly meant
I caught you in the process of seducing someone with a mask
I caught you acting in ways that painted me completely invisible
And in the way that I caught you, I didn't feel hurt
Instead, I felt appalled, disgusted, mortified, incredulous
In my mind, I thought, "Who are you to be doing this to me?"
In that moment, for the first time, and for many years, I felt contempt
Things turned out differently after that incident
Although we hung on for years and you did improve your ways,
I have seen you in a light that I've come to believe was your truth
My mind could not erase your image of being a deer in the headlights
Many, many years later, we tried our best to forget and stay together
But how can I forgive a side of you that I never knew was false or true?
As such, when the slightest, quickest, lightest shadow appeared,
I was instantly ready to believe that everything else was a lie
