Slowly

Springtime comes and the flowers grow

So does my feelings for you.

Summer arrives and I see you again

In all our glory, trying to just be friends

Autumn starts and the trees turn red

It's time for us to leave, face our worlds instead

Winter ensues, your warmth I am longing for

Only praying that I could see you some more

I am enjoying this season, just before crossing the line

Not knowing where exactly you are, or if you're doing fine

Wondering if you are also there where I'll be

Waiting to meet your eyes when you're finally with me.

The secrets all our friends know but we try to hide

Moments that you make me laugh so hard I almost died

Revealing our weird and awkward sides

Being the only person in whom I want to confide

It's so funny that we both know the truth

Waiting for the time to say it's true.

Telepathy

The funny awkward moments that are becoming too common
The short conversations that matters so much
The guards down friendship that do not need to impress
The genuine concern and the attempts to conceal delight

I'm beginning to enjoy the seemingly insufficient time we have.

Waiting for my rocket to come

Here I am under the rain, waiting for my rocket to come.
Here I am lost in the streets, waiting for my rocket to come.
And here I am eating dinner alone, waiting for my rocket to come.

He is in a distant place of toil, in search for his future
He is in a distant place watching television, enjoying the silence
He is in a distant place with people, still feeling something was abset

But my rocket is coming, fast approaching as Saturday comes
He finds me inside the house with the same manner we found each other
We savor the only time that we are together,
until Saturday ends and it's time again to leave.
Until next Saturday when we meet.

Don't be so Selfish

Don't expect him to fill all the gaps your dad left for you
Don't expect him to prove you wrong that marriage works
Don't expect him to be there all the time, without fail
Don't expect him to fix the brokenness you have

He is not your idol
He is not your toy
Hi is not your dog at your bidding.

He is just a man, and he will fail
He will make you cry, he will make you angry

But you should still love him anyway

Love is real, keep believing
Life is not smooth and the enemy can be deceiving

But hold on to the reality that people can actually care
They can actually love, they can actually be there.

People can actually stay together, committed till the end
People can find time for relationships to be mended.

It may not always be fun, and may often look like work
But look no further because love will clean the murk

Love gives purpose, love gives hope
Don't hold on to your only rope.

Could this be real?

To have somebody who actually walks faster
Just to go alongside you as you go to the jeepney stop.

To have someone looking for you when you are absent,
ask you where you are as if they keep seeking you.

To have someone's full attention even in group gatherings,
gazed at, served, looked out for, taken care of.

To have someone to anticipate seeing within the week,
to see eyes light up when you meet them.

To have someone interested in your ill-timed rants, secret insecurities,
untold deep dark stories, and embarrassing funny events.

To receive random messages in weird times of the day,
knowing that you have been thought of.

To be undoubtedly supported, unconditionally loved,
perpetually accepted for who you are.

Could this be real?
To have somebody?

That I finally have you?

Dear God,

It gets a lot more confusing. It's so confusing.

I really like him now. I don't know if it's just hormones, or if it's the slow realization of a denied fact. But I like him, God.

I don't understand why I like him at all. If I think about it, there really should be no reason to. But he is also an amazing person, and I love the way he cares for me even when he is not expected to.

Why is he not pursuing me? That's a question I don't ask. I'm not sure if I want him to, because a lot about our friendship are full of questions. I just know that I care about him deeply and his annoying awkwardness before are cute for me now.

I want to be around him all the time. I want to invite him for ice cream, just the two of us. I want to abandon all the caution and just be with him for a while. He's the best person to talk to. He listens. He asks. He would like to fix me. And I don't have to be strong around him at all.

He is the most undiscovered awesome person I have known for three years.

And not being with him makes me sad.

Help me in my confusion, please,
Sam

Confusing Emotions

It's even worse that it's mutual
That we both know we want to talk
That the nervousness comes from approaching
That the short, seemingly meaningless exchanges
hold deep-seated raging feelings
of longing, wanting, contentment, and... love.

I hate that each time I look at you, I get found out.
That my shaky voice and fleeting glances hold a sign
That even my silences and occasional avoidance tell the truth
That you also feel it and show it too.

How long can we keep this little secret up?
We both know our hearts have been revealed
That we are staring into each other's eyes
Just before we decide to cross the line.

I'm not even waiting for you to ask me.
And I'm not exactly too excited for you to.
But it's just a struggle being around you (and not)
There are far too many words left unspoken.

The distance hold a clarity that we like each other
But the distance makes it impossible to show it.
To close it in or keep it is the biggest question
Where do we go in spite of this confusion?

Complication

Nothing is right between you and me ever since I came back
We never talk as much. Never spend time together
I clearly miss the storytelling and the quiet walks home
Time when it's just you and me in comfortable silence

Now we're left groping in the darkness of complication
Brought by unmet expectations

There are only two ways to reconcile this conflict
Either we finally draw closer or fall apart.

I'm not sure which of the two I want more.
But I do know that when I am reminded of my trip
Where I was away from family and friends
It was you who was always there

Those moments are what I hold on to.
The moments when I am certain that we are special
That nothing could go between us.

The unspoken words have grown too large
Either they come out
Or become buried deep down in our memory.