That same spot

One silent night, many moons ago,

I came across a majestic place meant

for trainquility and pondering.

I wrote about you on my diary,

noting how I was thinking of you

In that dark corner of peace and quiet.

I dreamt of your eyes and the future we could have

The smiles we will exchage,

and the words we will utter.

***

On a celebrated night four years ago,

I gazed at the whirling crowd and light and music

Everyone hugging and taking photos

I caught a glimpse of you

They asked me to take a picture with you

I obliged, carrying with me my diploma

And draw close to you,

Positioned myself near you, your chest rubbing on my shoulder

As we pose for the camera with that high school smile.

This afternoon as I leave school,

Leave our literal common ground without you

I missed who we are

Things have changed and they won't be the same again.

You are no longer at my side

And I am no longer in yours

We shall face the world apart,

As how our worlds moved ever so slowly before we knew it

That one time of proximity

Commonality and

Hope

Will forever be just a sketchy memory

Of a past that the future will never have.

How Could You?

I can't watch.

The photo of you and her
Where you were grinning like a proud kid
And she your dull, old mother

I can't watch.
How I imagine you kissing her
Hugging her
And speaking to her when you are down.

I can't watch.
Your intimacy
Her obvious lack of classiness
And your heart bare for her

I can't imagine why you chose her
How you managed to be happy with her
Why you settled for her

It's the ultimate mindfuck

Why her?
How could you choose her?

Why her?

She challenges you
Doesn't appreciate your core
The beauty you see in the Lord
Your heart that withstands pain
The sacrifices you made to accommodate her
The kindness and devotion you show
How so many people wanted you
and yet you chose her.

She's not even pretty
I can understand if she's smart
Or that you have a personal bond

But why do you have to love her?
When we could have been together
And we would feed on each other's love
Instead of you making an effort on your own

Can't you see we're better together?

That moment when...

You dreamt about him all night,
wondering if you have fallen in love
Cursed the circumstances
of him having a girlfriend
Pondered at all the romantic things he did for you
comparing if he is built to last
Gushing at his handsomeness
hating yourself for crushing on him
Wondering if you will actually say it
then drown into a weary sleep

Only to meet him the next day
sit beside him as you eat
Not even looking at him in the eye
without saying goodbye when he leaves
Or hello when he arrives

That moment when...

You dreamt about him all night
yet you can't even talk to him for a minute.

You're Cute. I'm Not.

He's charmed and he's not afraid to show it.
He trails behind me like a puppy,
or maybe like a good boy poking at a cute one.
But I'm not a puppy and I'm definitely not cute.
You are, I'm not.

He asks me how I'm doing as I was struggling
He puts his face close to mine when he teaches me bowling
asks me if I enjoyed and says that I did great
But I'm not a toddler who have just gone home from school
You are certainly thoughtful
I'd rather not be thought

He gives me his attention, high-fives and "good job"s
He types in triple smileys and hopes to get noticed
saying the sunburn on my nose is cute
But I don't like myself cute
You do.

I know I should be pleased
Damn right I should be flattered
But all I want is for someone who sees me better

A sloppy young professional,
a rebel of a daughter
Easily frustrated of herself
Unhesitatingly roars in laughter

I wanted to be
more than cute than you defined me
I don't want you to be fond of me
I want you to see the details
and imperfections, and fragments of myself that I'm not pleased with

I hope you get the message
As I refuse to do the flirts
I'm hoping you won't find me cute.
I'm hoping you would find me beautiful.

At araw araw tayong magdededmahan hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan

The Parting

This morning I dreamt of him
Doing the things we usually do: hang out at somebody else's house
With the same familiar people

Tonight as I gazed at his face,
I realized that he is one of the things I will miss

Lord knows what will happen to us,
me and my college crush

Whom I met plenty of years before
Whom I can only talk to alone, and at night during dinners

But now the dinners are gone and I'll never see him again
As much as I did when we were both students

Now I must leave into an unfamiliar world
Where there is no past and no future
Everything else in the present

Shall I say goodbye to you, my college sweetheart?
The night I held your hand,
the night you walked me home
and the night we sang our songs?

As the cliche goes why say good bye
to all the Good Nights.