The Comeback

A thought bubbles inside her head, as the cold evening breeze blew away her now short hair. Maybe this time it's real. Maybe this time it can work out. Maybe they can start again, slowly, this time. And soon it will work out neatly like what all proper relationships seem to work out neatly. Free of clutter, of issues, of drama, complexities and conflicts like how they ended five months back.

Five months without catching a glimpse of each other's eyes. Five months, which is longer than the three months that they have been together all together. Three months that seemed to have taken its day and yet seemed to have flew by once they parted. Three months of seeing each other for most hours out of twenty four. Three months of sharing music, having lunch dates, conversing, and touching.

Five months has passed since those three months, and yet some things don't seem to change.

At first she thought it was just her being so clingy towards the memory of each other. The way she associates some places after him. The rooftop balcony of their favorite restaurant where they shared their first drinks alone together. The corner just before the gate to her apartment where they first kissed. The jeep in front of the famous street food store where they ate isaw and talked for hours without ever stopping. The street where they drunkenly held hands and held each other close. The seats where they first met, sat together and developed something both of them could never have imagined.

These were the thoughts that occupied her mind as she went out for an evening walk, to clear her head, to make her think clearly. Now he's coming back. Now he wants to meet, probably, start again. And she wants it to. She imagines the way her hair would flutter around as the sunset filters through it, and she smiles at him, as they are having the best conversation ever yet again. She can imagine him walking her home like he has done always, and how they would pose just before she enters the gate, for his lips to meet her as they have been familiar of. But this time, since five months are gone, he would sense some hesitation, followed by a suck of breath of lips that have finally come home.

But she was unsure if the comeback was the right thing to happen. If they deserved a second chance. If this was only a second chance to destroy themselves and cling to their made-up lies fueled by passion and desire. If this will make the second moving on even harder, because more memories will be added, and more sins will be committed -- one that includes anger, wrinkled sheets, sweaty skins and thoughts of shaken regret. If she had to abandon and rebuild the walls that were erected ever since she left him.

It would be easier to crumble into the weaker girl that she was. One that was easily won over by sweet words and warm touches. Back when it took her so little to melt down, collapsed and convulsing in his arms at the thought of losing him. Back when the tears of goodbye choked her words and say them out loud, and that every thought of every day was all about him and how it could have worked out better hadn't she decided to end things.

She was wiser now and she needed to be reminded of that. That this comeback will never make everything be the same as before. This comeback will be different and hopefully, there will be no second one.