How does it feel?

I would often wonder about you,
How you are and what you've been doing
You could say that this is guilt
Because now I have him and you are alone
That I am trying to pacify my soul
Upon knowing that you are doing okay.

Well it wasn't much of guilt but curiosity.

How does it feel to lose him?

When you have been spending nights regularly
Inside each other's arm
Showing parts of yourself you have never revealed
And taking in parts of his that he used to hide.

How does it feel to have his arms absent
Around your neck, or waist, or in your palms
To feel the ghost of his ringing laughter
Even his sometimes annoying presence.

When you have heard his lowered voice
That he doesn't use in public
But only between you two
Speaking words in private

How does it feel to see his eyes now averted
His voice nonchalant and his gaze wandering away
To see that you do not have the right anymore
To access his innermost and deepest thoughts.

When you have been in his adventures
Your spontaneous trips unplanned
How you let his hand lead yours
To any place you thought of in a whim

How does it feel to realize
That he now goes to places with another person
Your dream trips will never come true
And you will have to find someone else to go with you?

Can you please tell me how it feels
To lose him -- slowly, irrevocably, in an instant, upon chance?

Because I will never know the answer
If the same thing will happen to me.