Protection

I can't possibly be thinking about you today.

It's your job to do that.
It was your job.

You're the one who noticed we were always teammates
That when I was heading something, you were heading another
That when I planned on going to Indonesia, you were also on board
That when I was a member of something, you also were in it

You're the one who noticed that I asked "how are you?" many times
I didn't even know, but you appreciated it

You're the one who was in the background, always with me
Yet I don't even take a second glance that you were

You're the one who asked if I could go to the mall shopping
You're the one I spent lunch with on your birthday
It was something I'd like to give meaning to,

But I didn't want to do it.
I didn't want to do this.
To be thinking of you, and wondering how it would be if we end up together

I didn't want to be checking your blog every time to see if you posted
I didn't want to look at you, saddened by the fact I won't be seeing you for a while
I didn't want to take second glances at how you look really good
I didn't want to have my heart pumping hard because you sat next to me
I didn't want to keep texting just in case you will reply
I didn't want to worry about girls approaching you and probably noticing you
I didn't want to feel that flutter as I remember our walk home
I didn't want to reminisce about the times I missed it:
that you are there!

I didn't want to struggle for you.


Maybe,
I didn't want to struggle alone..