Directions

Dreams. Reality. With you I don't know which is which.

I'm trying so hard to fight this growing feeling.
But when you're around, I just can't help walking to you
as if being with you is the best thing in the world.
And I don't know why because all we seemed to talk about
are problems, trivialities during the day, joking, and laughing--
yet they were the best times and I never regret being with you.
I didn't see this coming, this fluttering heart as I wake up
A confusing prayer before I sleep, jealousy in the middle,
and the long walks ahead of everybody.

I want to stay away from you because I don't want to leave you.
And secretly, I'm afraid you might not want to leave me too.

There should be far too many things to think about such as,
a better guy, a more stable relationship, a single direction.
The non-negotiables that are now being flushed down the drain
of love songs in which you came to mind.

I'm afraid that I might lead you on when commitment threatens.
I'm afraid that you too will be attached with me and decide
that it is me you're looking for, when I still don't know what
I would want to find.

And I know it's mean and cruel to enjoy so much of our friendship
while nurturing these growing feelings. But when you're around
my soul is thirsty for your presence, your conversation, your being.

Part of me wants to run as fast as I can before we do any damage
but a bigger part wants to see where this could go, and just enjoy
the moment when you become one of my closest friends

And as we walk through the streets, with fingers tingling
As we sit quietly both relaxing and wondering what is going on
As we kid each other and tend to our own relationships
and find our way back to each other
As we spend countless dinners together
the semi-dates, the bus rides, the walks home

I don't want to catch the flu of loving you,
but it seems I already have it
and am constantly, constantly trying
to push it down and keep it in...