My heart still cries out for you

I'm not foolish.
I know how it is to be heart broken.
The pain of remembrance,
the anguish among the separation,
the weight of the unsaid words,
the harshness of moving on,
the daunting task of forgetting.

I've experienced brokenness for the past years.
I've gone through various phases of denial,
self-pity, longing, impulsive desire, indecision,
regret, negotiation, comfort, and struggle
Over and over.

You can't tell me that I know nothing about it.
You can't tell me that the state I am now
is a product of unprocessed emotions and naivety.
I am not foolish. I know what it's like.
And I also know that I still see you as my future.

Sure, we have gone opposite directions.
Farther and farther apart,
with hollowness and emptiness in between.

I've watched myself let you go
by saying "no".
I've watched myself tell our story repeated
to people who are supposed to help me get over.
I've watched myself jealous over your new friends,
worried that you will find someone special.
I've watched myself cry to sleep
haunted by memories joyful and gone.
I've watched myself watch you
completely unaffected and being happy with your life.
I've watched myself pray, seek guidance,
and employ various methods to erase your mark.
I've watched myself befriend good guys,
only to compare them to you.
I've watched myself accepting the loss
and then slowly not caring about you.
I've watched myself change, be more joyful,
gain more friends, and get the bigger picture.

But somehow, my heart still cries out for you.
With the head knowledge, with the years of experience,
with the overwhelming hurt, with the acceptance,
I still think that it is better if we are together.

We are not the same people.
Time has changed us. People, places, experience,
things we did apart. I know that.
But still, there are things that are meant to find their way--
people--in another time and another place.
And I believe we are that kind of people.
These may be years of seemingly distant friendship.
But someday, I know, that we will be together.
Someday, we will make sense.
Someday, we will catch up on what we missed.
Someday, we will see how much we really have changed.
Someday, we will think that we're meant to be.
Someday, we will be together. And just by being together,
we become happy. We become better people.

I love you so much, my dear. And I haven't forgotten you.
Not a day has passed that I haven't thought of you.
I may have thought I didn't need you, and I didn't.
But somehow life is lovelier around you.

Someday, we will be together.
The fight isn't over.