Speechless

I have so many things to say.
And the worse part is that I'm in denial
I'm starting to like you. Really like you.
Really, really like you.
Like imagining you in front of me right now
like you were during our second date.

And I imagine us holding hands
every time you walk me home.
And the ease that my head fits on your shoulder
And how much I want you to feel loved.
Because I do...

And we could read magazines in silence
and think it's the most romantic thing ever.
We would talk about everything that is wrong with us
and all the unflattering facts about walls,
the filth about broken hearts, the ugly pasts.
And we would be healed in the same process

The calls and the further dates.

And then my mind would rant about how wrong it is
That I deserve a man who has dreams.
Who will promise me comfort and provision.
And strength and protection and confidence--
the things that you can't provide as of now.

We loved each other in our weaknesses
and in it we have found strength.
But is it the strength that will be strong
when both of us are weak?

I can't bear this.
I can't bear the thought of avoiding you.
But I am so afraid of the future.

We are as different as we can be.
Cat and dog persons.
The nonchalance and the over-care.
The domination and surrendering.
The ambition and the randomness.

It can't possibly work well in the future
I wish I could say that we should stop this now.
But I don't want it to, to be honest.
I wanna see if we will work...
If we can make things last...
That even though we may not be perfect...
We will last.

But there is no We...
And I am afraid that someday,
you would ask me to have one....
Please.
I want to invest my heart, if I may be honest.

But I am so afraid.