Everything Has Changed

Sunday when I finally got to spend an accidental whole day with you.

I was so excited that we can finally have time to talk.
I kept approaching you, coming your way, suggesting.
But all you did was stay away.

There on the lunch table, you fixed the electric fan my way.
You cleaned up after me.

There on the playing of music, I was singing the girl part
Hoping you will catch the guy's.

There on the amphitheater, tossing the disc your way
Because we were teammates yet again.

There goofing around at the Sunken Garden,
I laughed at your jokes.

There on the jeep ride home, we sang the song "Kiss"
Remembering how it was my song for you.

There awaiting the home cooked food, we played cards
And suddenly you were avoiding me.

There on the dinner table, you never talk to me
Avoiding my eyes

There as I wash the dishes, you never did come outside
To check up on how I was doing.

There as you thanked me in the kitchen
You never bothered helping me clean up.

There in between goodbyes,
You said you will walk us home, but you didn't.

There on the night we stayed,
You climbed up to sleep.


It made me cry that Sunday night.
It made my eyes bawl on Monday morning.

Realizing that I am worth to you nothing.

You have incited my anger and now I don't pay attention.
Now I never look at you in the eye.
Now I no longer laugh at your jokes.
Now I don't treat you like a poor little boy.

Because you have hurt me so much these past few days.

With all the avoidance, reluctance, and hesitations.

You don't think I'm worth risking it. Worth initiating on.
You don't think I'm worth readying for. Worth telling the truth.
You don't think I'm worth confessing to. Worth pursuing.

All you can think about is preserving your safety
All you can think about is yourself.

You have let me down in the process, forgetting that
it was you who approached me in the first place.

Now you suffer the consequences.

I hate hurting you.

As the matter of fact I wish I will never do.

But if loving for you meant looking out for yourself first,
then I'm playing the game with you.