Stating the obvious

“Hey, you wanna watch a play tonight?” I texted you

And didn’t receive a reply back.

It stung to realize

Over and over

That things are not the same.

I should stop expecting you to reply like you always do

To accompany me through the night even when you’re sick and limp

To be my date when nobody is available

Now I pay the price of reality,

That you are gone.

Maybe you have been making it easier for me all this time.

Not replying,

Not interacting, even online

Not asking how I am in the specific areas we both knew so well

Not letting your guard down anymore like you always do around me

Maybe you’re making it easy for me to move on like you have

And yet my stubborn heart couldn’t understand it still

It’s written all over the place

Anyone would have guessed it if they weren’t too blinded by love

Another person would have guessed it by the way you never said “I love you”

By the way you said you were gay

By the way you narrated your sex conquests

By the way you gush and befriend the wrong kinds of people and changed too easily

If it was another person, they would have moved on

And thought that they deserved better than

An indecisive “best friend” who was just stalling before getting other friends

Instead, here I am two years later, still blaming myself

That I didn’t tell you enough

Didn’t show it enough

Didn’t become a friend enough

While you are long gone and moved on

And I’m still waiting

It is about time for me to pick myself up

But how will I ever, really?